Many couples seek sex therapy because of mismatched sexual desires, sex habits, skills and needs. Common complaints are:

• My partner’s sex drive is too low (or too high) Sex Drive
• My partner is too conservative (or experimental) for me
• My partner is too inhibited (or too wild), if only he/she were comfortable with himself / herself sexually (or be less focused on sex), we could have a great sex life

     When this is the case, the focus of therapy is on increasing the lower sex drive partner’s desire, fostering sexual comfort in both partners, improving sexual communication, improving sexual techniques, accepting sexual differences and compromising. Occasionally, the self-labeled “wilder, higher sex drive” partner may be suffering from an undiagnosed sex addiction. Thus, no matter how much the partner “improves” the sex will never be good enough.

     What is the difference between a high sex drive and a sexual addiction? The primary difference between the two is the way that people feel after sex, and their need to be sexual. People with a high sex drive feel satisfied after sex. Though they desire frequent sex, they can tolerate a different pace. For example, if they are told “no, not tonight, I have a headache” they do not feel rejected, hopeless, angry, agitated etc. They are able to switch gears and enjoy the rest of the day because they see their desire as just that – desire, not necessity. If, on the other hand, the tolerance for difference, the flexibility, and the ability to take a sexual rebuff in stride are not present, there may be an undiagnosed sexual addiction. To learn more about sexual addiction (SA), and how having a sexual addiction may negatively impact a relationship, click Here. Therapy for sex addictions (TSA)

written by Alex Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW

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