Before engaging in a "Friends with Benefits" it is important for a person to decide for him or herself what she or he really wants out of a relationship. Is a friends with benefits right for you. Some important questions to ask yourself, during this consideration of friends with benefits should include:
- Do I want a monogamous relationship? In thinking about this consider how you define monogamous relationship. Would this relationship look like a traditional relationship? Would it be less conventional?
- Are you in search of a seasonal romance or a partnership?
- Can you have sex with others? Should you talk about dates, are you even permitted to go on dates?
- Are you going to remain friends or are you looking for the relationship to blossom into something more?
- What risks are associated with the status of friends with benefits. What about being fuck buddies? What is the difference.
These questions as well as an assortment of others will dictate how you shape or if you decide to pursue this style of relationship.
After you have done the self-exploration, and determined that this type of relationship is worth pursuing, then it becomes time to engage in similar conversation with the proposed partner. Friends with benefits work best when there is a shared understanding of the meaning behind the behaviors.
Remember, just because you have this open and honest conversation with your "Friend" does not mean that she or he wants the same things as you. Do not be afraid to Set Boundaries with the identified friend you with whom you are about to have benefits. Some boundary setting examples can include whether you want this to be a closed sexual relationship. Is it ok or not ok to be physically intimate with other people while in this relationship, how frequently do you want to see each other? Be clear about your time together…are you two going on dates or is it two friends hanging out.A simple way to begin this dialogue may be "I want our relationship to be enjoyable and successful. To make sure this happens I think it would be beneficial to for us to discuss some of the relationship logistics like if we are going to have sex with others or just with each other?" This type of statement could lead into a much deeper conversation regarding how the relationship will be constructed.
Another key point is to be honest with yourself and with your potential partner. As with everything, communication is a key component to the success of this relationship. Discuss your expectations about engaging in this type of relationship…point of issues to think about can include whether this is supposed to a short term arrangement, are you really interested in the other person but attempting to approach a possible relationship from this angle, do you want to come across as a couple, typically are you successful at separating your emotions from your behaviors? Discuss the elephant in the room by exploring these topics. If there is more that you can think of then discuss this as well.
Understand that this is not a lifestyle choice for everyone. It can be a fabulous experience that you look back on fondly or an absolute disaster.