How to Give a Blow Job

How to give a blow job - oral sex advice from a sex therapist in Philadelphia

Giving a good blow job requires the following three  elements:

• Being able to make your partner desire you even before your lips touch  his penis
• Ability to read his body language
• Willingness to experiment

Being able to make your partner desire you even before your lips touch his penis may sound difficult, but it’s not. Your mission is to make your partner thinks he is about to receive the best blow job he has ever had, and if you can do this, then your job is already half complete. Anticipation on his end will enhance whatever you are doing.  Thus, the more able you are to engage his brain in sexual fantasy, the less ‘work’ you will have to do.

To engage your partner’s sexual  energy:

• Make a production of ‘getting him ready’ for a blow job.
• Give him a bath, and wash his penis and then dry him off with a  towel.
• Begin with a half hour full body massage.
• Have your hands wander all around his butt cheeks and inner thighs a little too long.
• Let your tongue linger on his belly near the tip of his penis without touching it.
• Breath heavy on the tip of his penis/balls.
• Have your chest accidentally touch his penis.
• Talk dirty.

Five minutes after your comfort zone of waiting to begin, begin. If you are doing your job well, he should already be hard. For some men, who are very visually stimulated, you may need to wear some slinky outfit. Others may need to be tied up, and others may prefer a blind-fold. The point is, to ‘set the scene’ for a blow job, long before your lips ever touch his shaft. Expectation makes it sweeter. The only exception to this work-up is if you want fast sex. Then the blow job should be done just long enough to get him hard, so that you can take him!

Knowing how to read his body is a critical component. Long foreplay will always flop if you do not engage his brain. During sex, using words, while direct, is not always sexy. Thus,

Learn to read his body:

• Does he have a preference for the top of his shaft or the bottom of his shaft to be stimulated? Rarely does a man like both equally well.
• What type of stimulation does he like in the initial arousal faze,  his balls to be nibbled, sucked and stroked, or the tip of his penis?
• To determine how close he is to orgasm, try resting your fingers on his artery located on the shaft of his penis. The faster the pulse, the closer he is to orgasm.
• At what point does he start to breathe harder?
• When does he make the most noise? If your partner is the strong silent type, make a game out of it. Tell him that you will only continue to give him a blow job if he makes noise. Let the noise guide your movement.
• How does he touch you? Generally, people touch you the way they want to be touched. Does he spend 5 minutes or 35 minutes giving you cunnilingus? Match his efforts. Does he touch you lightly or hard, fast or slow?  Again match his efforts.
• Play the A-B game with him. Try two different types of touch.  Whatever he likes better becomes choice B, then substitute a new choice A.

OK, so, now you know how to get your partner excited about a good blow job. You even know how to listen for some feedback, but the problem remains. You are clueless about what to do. If this is you, keep reading.

Tips, tricks, and ideas, written in no particular order:

• Cup his balls in your mouth. Use your tongue to move them around. Begin by using a light touch. Change the speed and pressure. Listen to his response. There is wide variability in men as to how they like if at all, having their balls stimulated.
• Focus on the tip of the penis. The tip of the penis is often most sensitive. Flick your tongue. Wrap your tongue around it. Suck on it.
• At the point of no return, meaning he is going to orgasm, take some ice-cubes, and place them on his balls. The sudden reaction to cold intensifies the experience.
• Put an ice-cube in your mouth while giving a blow job. This intensifies the blow job by creating an extra unusual sensation. Warmth and heat mixed together.
• Drink some hot water just prior to giving a blow job. Again, this is simply shifting the sensations of the same touch.
• Combine using your hands with mouth. This gives you more ability to cover more of his penis without needing to deep throat (DT), or hurt your jaw by taking too much of him into your mouth.
• Move hands away from mouth while giving a blow job.
• Bring hands towards you while giving a blow job.
• Move your hands up and down in sync with the blowjob. The increased contact with the penis, almost feels like deep throating.
• Use the base of your tongue to move his penis towards the back of your throat. Apply pressure with your tongue on his penis.
• Experiment with a handjob that uses oil and/or salvia for lubricant, what did you like better and why?
• Make noise while giving a blow job. Act as if giving a blow job is really turning you on. By seeming turned on, your partner will have an easier time relaxing and simply enjoying the blow job.
• Take your hands and place them under his butt. Move his butt towards you.
• Wrap your tongue around his penis and pull back.
• Suck his penis as hard as you can. Imagine slurping the best giant lollipop that you have ever seen.
• Deep throat (DT) him. Deepthroating simply means covering his whole penis with your mouth. To do so requires you to open the back of your mouth. If taking his whole penis makes you feel like you want to choke, you are doing the technique wrong. You are likely not opening the back of your throat all the way. To open your throat, imagine chugging beer. (please note, we do note promote chugging beer). Whatever you naturally do to chug beer, is what you need to do to deep throat. If you do not drink beer, practice chugging water, milk, or juice. Again, it’s the same skill but often easier. In addition, place the tip of his penis on the roof of your mouth and practice sliding it as far back as you can on the left side.

Only try one new technique per week. Give yourself the opportunity to practice and change with time. By introducing everything all at once, you run the risk of not only overwhelming him but of running out of ideas. Giving a good blow job requires that you do not develop any one particular routine. Each time you give a blow job it should be slightly different. Change, including slight moderations, keeps blow jobs feeling new and exciting.