How to enjoy porn with a lover & Ways to teach your lover to enjoy porn with you
If you have a sexual compulsion, this tip is not for you. Learning how to enjoy porn too early in recovery, can make your sexual compulsion worse. Encouraging your partner to use porn with you is destructive. If you have questions about sex compulsion, we recommend the following tips:What is a sex compulsion?, Defining the problem, Do I have a high sex drive or a sexual compulsion?,Sex compulsion quiz?,Is my partner a sex addict?,Obstacles and coping skills for sexual compulsion Do I really want to recover from sexual compulsion,Therapy for sex compulsions (TSA)
Before learning how to enjoy porn, lets take a moment and talk about what is Pornography? Pornography is perceived to be material that is explicit and sexual in nature. This can occur in print (books and magazines), video, Internet or via phone. Within a couple dynamic, many different experiences with pornography can occur. Some couples enjoy viewing pornography together, some individuals watch it alone (with or without the consent of their partner) and others don’t watch it at all.
If your partner enjoys porn:
- find out what type of porn she/he enjoys and surprise her / him with it
- go to a porn shop together and pick out some porn together
- create your own porn, dress up (or maybe dress down) and pose for your partner
- try replicating the sexual moves with your partner in real time as you watch the couple on the video screen
- try telephone sex with your lover
- after watching a film together, assume one of the characters personalities and put the moves on your lover Remember to always share with your lover what viewing porn with them means to you. Specifically, try to answer how viewing porn with them enhances your experiences. How does porn encourage sexual intimacy between you and your partner? If you find yourself thinking that sex is better, because you are more turned on by the people in the pictures, then you are from your lover, something is wrong. To handle this issue — is a whole different tip.
If your partner is resistant to enjoying porn with you, the first step in teaching him or her how to enjoy porn would be to find out what they are specifically objecting to? Do they not enjoy looking at sexually explicit images or watching other people have sex? Do they find it demeaning or over-stimulating? Do they find the activities or the behaviors uncomfortable to view? Does it make them question their own abilities or do they feel hurt/concerned that you find stimulation outside of the relationship. A discussion might help you and your partner figure out the origin of the resistance and where the compromise can occur. If your partner has never viewed pornographic videos or books, then an activity that you may find helpful is to construct fantasies together. This is an activity that can help the two of you determine what turns the both of you. You can connect your fantasies to the erotic images you find appealing in porn. This could help to assure your partner that a comparison is not occurring but more importantly a search for ways to enhance your sexual experiences together is occurring. This could be a way to ease your partner into viewing porn with you while gaining some insight as to what to expect. If your partner is embarrassed with the concept of enjoying porn with you, maybe it would be easier to read or watch it alone. This would provide your partner with an opportunity to experience it without concern of your reactions or theirs. Realistically it may take more than one experience, or possibly exposure to multiple types of porn to find their comfort and appreciation of what you enjoy. Another possible reality is they may never find the appreciation in pornography that you and if this is the case then it will prompt you to have another conversation with your partner to determine what possibilities of compromise exist for you.
Healthy use of porn with a lover will help you:
- Learn more about your desire and the desire of your partner
- Develop knew sexual ideas for yourself and your lover
- To get turned on and engage in intimate sexual experiences
These ideas are all supported by the staff at the Center for Growth / Sex Therapy in Philadelphia