We do not engage in Lingam Massage with clients. We TEACH clients how to engage in Lingam Massage with their lovers. We are Licensed Therapists and engage in sex therapy. We are NOT sexual surragates, prostitutes or call girls.
Tantric Sex: The Lingam Massage Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the penis and it has been said to translate to “wand of light”. The lingam massage has many uses. It has been used in persons who have had sexual traumas in their pasts to learn to trust their partners. It has also helped men with erectile dysfunction. Lingam massage has also helped men to control their ejaculations and taught many men that it is possible to have multiple orgasms.
Some men and women think of sex as centered around a preconceived notion of certain performance requirements. Men especially feel the need to perform and don’t feel like they can do that with a flaccid penis. The truth is that much pleasure can be received as well as given by a male with a soft penis. Fortunately, many men can discover through the lingam massage that the need to perform with an erection simply isn’t necessary. Once that fact hits home, then the pressure to perform is off and erections can happen naturally and with regularity.
Lingam massage is also just a great way to connect to your partner. Again with the lingam massage it is important that I point out that this has to be done with no expectations. So partners you have to be in the mindset that this is strictly for your partner to relax NOT orgasm. It DOES NOT matter if he is hard or soft during this ritual. In fact, most men will get hard and soft many times throughout it. Before a lingam massage, you must prepare your space. Find an area that is free from distractions. Take the time to turn off your phones, turn on some music (pick soft music that isn’t something that will encourage you to sing along. You don’t want anything to take you out of the moment), kick out the pets, light red candles and if you have one, turn on a red light (red has been shown to enhance sexual arousal). Make sure your space is clean and try burning some incense. (I like to use either desert sage or white sage and burn it in a shell or other item that you feel connected to). Once you have the space ready, it’s time to connect to your partner.
Connecting to your partner can be done in many ways. It can be things like taking the time to sit across from each other and drink a glass of wine, bathing together (I would suggest bathing before a lingam massage anyway just so you feel fresh and it will also relax you and your lingam), or you can just sit and breathe together for 5-10 minutes trying to match each other’s breathing. Whatever you chose to do, it is important to make eye contact during the entire exercise. This may feel weird at first but it will get easier with time. It is important that you void your bladder and bowels before starting a lingam massage. Also, be either shaved or trimmed tight for this ritual as it allows your partner to work freely and it eliminates accidental pulls etc. that will take you out of the moment.
Now it’s time to move to the next step. Have your partner first lay on his stomach naked. It is important that even though you are very familiar with each other that you still cover him with a small drape. This is not about sex. It’s about an erotic connection. Sit next to him either on your knees or cross legged whichever is more comfortable to you. I want you to picture that the part of your legs that are in contact with the ground are huge tree roots that dig deep into the ground and that you can feel the energy of the earth pulsing through those roots into you and into your partner. Take your left hand and place it over the place where his heart is. You will be using your right hand to massage her arms, legs, and back (use of the right hand is important because it is linked to polarity in tantra). You may use oils, but when you put the oil into your hand, don’t lose the connection to your partner. Turn your left hand over keeping contact with his skin and then with your right hand fill it with the oil and warm it. It is important to breathe during this ritual and partners you are in charge of maintaining this breath. When we feel strong emotions and/or pain we will tend to stop breathing, so it is important for you as a partner to monitor his breathing, and take a deep breath to encourage your partner to match your breath. Feel free to make noise when you breathe out. It will enhance the flow of sexual energy.
When you are massaging your partner’s body, I want you to focus on enjoying the feel of your partner’s skin. Enjoy every curve of his body, every curve of his muscles, the sensation of his skin as it rubs against yours etc. If you are enjoying it and taking your time when you touch him, and you have that earth energy flowing through you, he is going to enjoy it too. It also gets rid of what I call “the goal”. If you don’t have an agenda then you won’t be so focused on reaching “the goal” and everything will be so much better. Now start to touch him. Rub and massage his back, neck, legs, arms, the space where the legs meet the buttocks, etc. Whenever your partner is ready, he can flip over and I want you to place one pillow under his head and one under his butt and place your hands in the same fashion as before, left hand over the heart and right hand exploring. It is important to avoid the genitals during this stage as we will move into that more when we get to the actual lingam massage. Take at a minimum 30 minutes exploring his body.
Now it’s time for you to move on to the lingam massage. Be sure you don’t skip the earlier steps and move right to the lingam massage as it is very important to be relaxed and connected before you start. By now your partner is lying on his back and has a pillow under his head and his butt. It is important to check in with your partner from time to time during the massage to make sure that he is ready to move on to this next step. He must know that he is safe with you. This is especially important for anyone that has had trauma or other things that block them from totally enjoying their sexual side. Again, this is not for the sake of arousal or orgasm. It is about feeling connected and safe with you so don’t move too fast.
Sit next to your partner picturing the roots of a tree digging into the earth and pulling energy up through those roots into you. Make sure you can see your partner’s eyes. Keep eye contact as much as possible is very important as is maintaining both you and your partner’s breathing. It is also important to encourage the man to stay out of fantasy and stay in tune with his body. You should also set up a set of code words for him to let you know he is getting close to orgasm such as yellow, red etc before you start.
Pour some high quality oil onto the pelvic mound of the lingam enough that it will not cause irritation to the lingam. Sexual intercourse after this ritual is NOT recommended, but keep in mind if you do and you have used any oils, they will compromise the integrity of a condom. Also, I would not suggest the use of favored or sugar based oils. What I would suggest is water based lubricants or unscented grape seed oil (most stores carry this). Now take your right hand and place it on the lingam. Don’t move it. Just take in the energy and picture the energy going from the roots into your hand and into the lingam. Guys I want you to visualize this as well. Picture all of the energy going into your lingam and flowing into your body.
With your left hand, massage the area above and next to the lingam as well as the legs and butt. Take your time. This is about relaxation and nothing more. After at least five minutes, move to the scrotum gently massaging them and relaxing the muscles. Do not squeeze it or push hard enough to cause pain. You do not want to take him out of the moment. Again do this for at least five minutes. It is important to resist the urge to go into just another hand job. Feel the energy and take your time.
Slowly move up to the lingam shaft. Slowly pull from the base up and off alternating from your left to right hands. Again, this is not a hand job. You are not trying for orgasms, so don’t go fast. Also I want you to alternate the strokes with taking your hand and using it like you are juicing an orange. Again be easy this is where men are the most sensitive. Check in with your partner and see if it feels right. Guys, if it doesn’t then you need to tell your partner. It is important that you enjoy it.
If at any time you get close to orgasm, use your code words. Partners, stop immediately if they use these words and move up to the chest, arms, etc and let them get softer before you start again. I want you to stroke the lingam and stop when he gets close to orgasm at least six times throughout the ritual. This part of the massage helps to teach him how to control his orgasms (yes this is great for people who suffer from premature ejaculation).
After you have done this part of the massage for at least 10 minutes, move on to the prostate massage. Now because of social stigmas or upbringing, some guys may be very uncomfortable with doing this anally. If your partner is one of those men that’s ok. Remember this is about him. There is still a way you can massage the prostate without anal penetration. Go to the spot between the scrotum and the anus and find a soft spot about the size of a dime and press in. This may elicit pain to begin with but massaging the space will work through that. Encourage him to breathe and keep him focused. Vary your pressure and strokes. After a bit you can also incorporate the slow stokes of the shaft as well. It’s important again to use your right hand on the energy source (the lingam) and your left hand to massage. If you feel them beginning to orgasm or they have used their code word (and you have waited the appropriate amount of time) pressing on this spot during orgasm will bring on an intense orgasm. For those who are ok with the anal route. Use the same oil and insert the finger into their anus about half way. Take your finger into a come hither position and feel for a round mass. Slowly massage this spot also varying speed and pressure. Again check in with your partner. This may hurt to begin with but help them to work through it and encourage your partner to breathe. It will get better I promise. This doesn’t mean to disregard the pain. Try lightening up on the speed or the pressure to help ease the pain. This is usually the time that if guys have had traumas in their life that emotions might surface. They could surface at any point in the ritual so allow them to experience any emotions that may come up. Do not try to comfort or fix it. Just allow them to feel it and let them know they are safe. Pressure on this spot during orgasm will also increase the orgasm.
Again this ritual is not about orgasm so however you chose to end your ritual just allow them to relax for a bit alone. It is also not about you. Do not expect any kind of reciprocation just let him be in the moment and then rejoin him after 10 minutes or so and have some together time relaxing to complete the ritual.