Marriage Therapy and Couples Counseling

Many people have marital problems that have nothing to do with sex.  Sex Therapists at Sex Therapy in Philadelphia / Center for Growth are all Marriage Counselors and then have gone on and done specialized training to also be able to work with issues that arise in the bedroom.  This tip explores how the regular marital issues might be playing out in the bedroom.

Marital Problems and Sex: do you suffer from relationship and / or marital problems?  Are you still able to enjoy moments of intimacy with your partner even  though there are problems in the relationship? Are you and your partner  comfortable with the ways in which the two of you are intimate? Many couples  have different styles and needs of intimacy. For example some couples who  do not get along simply do not want to have sex.  Fighting for them is a 'turn off.' In contrast, other couples couples experience the best sex of  their life when they fight. Often the lack direct communication about this  topic creates miscommunication. To determine how you and your partner view / perceive things, ask yourself the following questions.

1. The way I imagine my partner experiences living with me is ..................
2. The way I experience living with my partner is..................
3. The way I imagine my partner describing our problems to someone is .....................
4. From my perspective, I perceive the problems to be ..................
5. My style of fighting is........................
6. My partner's style of fighting is ................
7. How are styles of fighting compliment each other is ...........................
8. How are styles of fighting clash is .......................
9. What is making me feel so upset is that ........................
10. My earliest childhood memory of being so upset is when ...................
11. The way I reacted in childhood to the situation was ...................
12. Which made me feel ......................
13. When I first met my partner I imagined our biggest struggles would be ................
14.  What surprises me about our fights is that .........................
15. What reassures me about our fights is..........................
16. Describe the way you imagine your partner experiences having sex with you.................
17. My experience of having sex with my partner is...................
18. My hope for us in the bedroom is..................
19. My fear in the bedroom is...................
20. My secret wish in the bedroom is.................
21. The way I wish we would emotionally connect is...............
22. I believe we connect emotionally by..................
23. I believe we emotionally connect by...................
24. My fear is that we emotionally connect by...............
25. Sex works the best when....................
26. I am most connected in the bedroom when.................
27. Sometimes I use sex to................
28. I am most likely to turn sex down because...........
29. I am most likely to resent sex when..............
30. Sometimes I misuse sex by............
31. After what types of fights have you wanted to have sex with your partner?
32. After what types of fights have you not wanted to have sex with your partner?
33. When have you had the best sex with your partner?
34. When have you had the worst sex with your partner?
35. Are you more turned on when you feel very secure in a relationship, or when you are insecure and partially afraid that he/she could leave you?
36. Describe an example of 'boring' sex between you and your partner? How about an "exciting" sexual experience ? What were the main differences.................
37. How do you think your partner would answer these questions?
38. The idea of sharing all of my unedited responses to these questions with my best friend is..........
39. The idea of sharing all of my unedited responses to my partner is..........
40. The idea of sharing all of my unedited with a sex therapist is..........
41. The idea of keeping all of these thoughts to myself makes me .............. and I imagine that this could hurt me by ........ and help me by ........................
42. What I do to protect myself when I feel scared in these situations are ...................

Understanding your partners perspective is the first step in fixing the problem.

The second part is communication. Thus share your responses with your partner.

Infrequent sex / Poor sex can be an indicator that the actual marriage is in trouble. Many times the 'sexual problem' has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with the underlying dynamics between you and your partner. Sex is simply the identifiable problem. Thus, if this is the case, then you may benefit from meeting with a sex therapist. (good sex therapists are also trained in marriage counseling. By addressing the underlying issues, many people will then begin to desire sex again.

To schedule an initial evaluation at Sex Therapy in Philadelphia / Center for Growth, please call us at 215-570-8614.