Women, Sex, and Poor Body Image Have you ever hesitated to have sex with a partner, not because you lacked desire, but because you worried about how you looked naked? Do you find yourself clinging to the bed sheet to cover up parts of your body when intimate with your partner? In an ideal world, would you opt for the lights to be off during sex every time? Many women struggle to reveal their true sexual selves, naked and all, because of insecurities about their body. To be clear, it is normal to have insecurities and concerns about your body. However, if your insecurities are preventing you from experiencing true intimacy, or preventing you from being fully comfortable and confident sexually, this will come through to your partner. Letting your body image issues get the best of you will eventually isolate you from partners, and in turn can make you very lonely.
If you are letting your insecurities distract you during sex, how are you even enjoying yourself sexually? You are basically trying to multitask during sex: feeding your negative thoughts around your body image, while trying to be aroused and enjoy your sex life. Would you ever try multitasking sex with any other activity? Think how poorly that would go! To fully enjoy sex and be your complete sexual self its essential for you to fully be in the moment, but if you're battling with your body image thoughts during sex, it's impossible to remain in the moment. Being in the moment not only allows more potential for enjoyment, but it also allows you to identify what you like (and what you don't).
If you are struggling with your body image issues to the point of it impacting your sex life, then it's likely coming through during sex for your partner to pick up on it. Your partner wants exactly what you want; he/she wants a confident partner who can demonstrate that she feels sexy, and know what she wants. Having a partner who is unsure of what to do in bed, or who seems preoccupied with hiding love-handles or avoiding specific sexual positions, is not a turn-on. It doesn’t matter what you look like, if you demonstrate confidence in the bedroom, and you act as though you feel sexy, then you will be perceived and accepted as sexy. The better you begin to feel about your appearance, the more motivation you will have to take care of you body, whether for you that means going to the gym, practicing yoga, dressing you best, eating more nutritional foods, etc.
In today's society with much of the focus celebrities and how they look, and articles like “Who wore it best?” and “The 10 best and worst bodies” it's difficult to break away from the “all good, all bad mentality.” Whether you have an extra 10 pounds you have been trying to shed for years, or you love your breasts, but always had issues with how your thighs look, these selective issues should not put you in a category of all or nothing. It’s okay to be a work in progress, but you are the one who has the ability to give the permission.
We are our own worst critics. Meaning, whatever issues you have with your body probably seem much worse to you than they do to your partner. Your partner has already made the decision that he/she wants to see you naked. There’s little left for you to sell at this point. What is left for you to do is to go with it, be yourself, don’t hold back. Your partner doesn’t care if you have the best body or the worst body, just that you have a naked body. There is also more help for overcoming negative body image or developing a sexual self.