How To Have An Orgasm: Questions to ask yourself
Do you masturbate? Many women find it easier to have an orgasm from solo-sex (masturbation), than from two-person sex. Have you ever tried the Jack Rabbit? The Jack Rabbit is an excellent type of vibrator for women with difficulties having an orgasm. The Jack Rabbit vibrator combines vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Each form of stimulation has it’s own separate control system to more specifically fit your bodies needs. The Jack Rabbit, can be purchased at most sex toy shops or online.
When you are with a partner, what does your communication with him/her look like? When something does not feel good how do you let your partner know this? How do you let your partner know when something feels particularly good? Or you would like to experiment with something new? Often, women have difficulties having an orgasm with a partner because they are not sure how to communicate to a partner their likes & dislikes. Try being direct. Remember, most men do not touch you because it feels good to them, they touch you, because they enjoy giving you pleasure.
Do all your past lovers know that you have never had an orgasm? And if so, how have the two of you tried to work on it? Often, the pressure of having an orgasm is so great, that women (and men) find themselves telling their partner’s that they have had an orgasm when they really didn’t just to make the other person feel good, or stop. Unfortunately, sometimes when partners are told about the ‘orgasm’ issue, they shut down because they feel like you do not want them sexually (ie. You are not turned on by them, or you would have had an orgasm).
Partners, have the unique ability of doing sexual things to you that you could never do for yourself. Not only can they give you oral sex, while touching your g-spot with their finger, but they can ‘keep going’ even when you might have stopped.
How good are you at being ‘selfish’ and receiving pleasure? Do you feel like you are always needing to give? Could you comfortably have an entire evening where you never (or almost never) touched your partner and she/he did all the giving? Women sometimes experience difficulties with having an orgasm because they feel uncomfortable receiving. Learning how to relax and enjoy the moment can be difficult.
How do you know when you are relaxed? Having an orgasm is a physical response to stimulation. Thus, if one can learn to relax enough, your body will naturally take care of itself. To relax some women have found that two forms of stimulation is necessary. One of the types of stimulation is what will make you excited enough to have an orgasm, while the other form of stimulation is designed to ‘distract’ your brain long enough to let your body take over. For example, some women who are very uncomfortable with anal stimulation have found that anal stimulation combined with oral sex will allow them to orgasm. Some alternative healers recommend getting high on marijuana specifically to learn how to have an orgasm. Marijuana, they report is operates as a relaxant. However, with this being said, Marijuana is an illegal substance and considered by many to be a ‘gate-way’ drug to very addictive substances.
What makes you so sure you have never had an orgasm? In my practice, I have found that many women who initially complain that they have never had an orgasm are indeed orgasmic. The problem is that they do not have realistic expectations of what an orgasm is. Contrary to popular opinion, orgasms do not always ‘rock your world’ and make you see stars.
Lastly, what will be different once you have had an orgasm? How will your sex life be improved? What do you imagine will happen?
Once you address these specific questions, you will be in a better position to further address your needs. Sometimes simply naming the 'problem' makes the solution obvious.
How I had my first orgasm (written by a satisfied website user)
In regards to the article in which a fellow reader mentioned her difficulties in having an orgasm, I would like to share how I eventually was able to enjoy them. I started having sex about a year and a half ago. I unfortunately had not had an orgasm until about 6 months ago...which I was still only able to have them when I did it myself.
When I told my boyfriend that I realized I had not had one until then, I found that he was constantly putting me first and trying everything he could think of to get me off. Although nothing happened the first few times, he eventually got to the point where he could do wonders for me, but orally stimulating my clitoris while fingering both holes.
Once that got boring...I decided to figure out ways that I could have an orgasm while we were actually having intercourse. Although it took a while, I have found 2 positions that always work. The first position is girl on top, leaning over enabling us to kiss one another, and having a pillow underneath the guy’s tailbone, therefore pushing his pelvis upwards. The second position is when again the female is on top, and the guy is on bottom, however this time the guy is sitting in a chair, or if not, at least sitting in that position. These positions create enough friction between the area directly above his shaft, and the girl’s clitoris and then it also allows him to have deeper penetration.