Pleasuring a woman in Philadelphia: Women, like men are all different. Some like it hard, some like it soft. Some women need emotional connection, while others like emotional distance. Thus, there is no 'one' right way. Each person is different. Thus, the best way to learn how to pleasure a woman is talk with her. Find out what likes, wants and needs. Some women enjoy using dildos, others prefer vibrators, while some have never even tried. You partner is the best guide for learning about how to please her because she really the only one who knows how she feels. I realize that this idea of talking at first may feel awkward, however, with practice communication becomes easier.
Given that many people feel uncomfortable talking about sex, it is likely that direct questions could be met with vague responses. Do not despair. Vague responses are to be expected. Thus, as the learner of pleasuring a woman, you will need to develop some better skills at seeking the type of information that you need. For example, you could begin by asking your partner the following questions:
AS SHE ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS TRY ATTEMPTING THE ANSWERS AND ASK HER IF YOU GOT IT? IF YOU FAIL SEE IF SHE IS WILLING TO LET YOU TRY AGAIN - OR IF SHE IS WILLING TO CLARIFY WHAT SHE MEANS. FYI - if you are attempting to practice each answer to see if you got it, do not attempt more than 2 questions per night. It's simply information overload :)
- What part of sexual play (kissing, masturbating, hand holding, oral sex, intercourse...) do you find the most arousing?
- What types of kissing do you prefer a) wet, b) dry, c) lots of tongue, d) lip pulling or e) tongue sucking?
- Would you describe yourself as more genitally focused or emotionally focused?
- What types of touch scares you?
- What types of touch excites you?
- What do I do that most excites you?
- What types of things are you open to experimenting with? How will I know when you are ready to try?
- What is the one thing you will never try? (ie. oral sex, masturbation, wearing lingerie, anal sex, dental dams)
- What is your sexual fantasy? Is this fantasy something that you would like to have happen?
- What is the one thing you like best about our sexual relationship?
- What is the one thing that you would like me to know?
Another line of questioning entails what I call the “A / B game”. To play the A/B game after each type of touch, ask your partner if she prefers the stimulation from choice A or choice B better. For example, choice A could be rapidly licking your partners clitoris, while choice B could be rubbing your partner’s clitoris with your finger. Whichever choice your partner prefers then becomes choice A. Choice B will then be a different type of touch. For example, it could be you slowly rubbing your partner’s clitoris with your tongue. The A/B game works very well because it tends to be much easier for a person to say which type of touch they like better, then to have to actually name something in particular.
Types of stimulation that you could try to use for stimulating your partner’s genitals:
- Pulling your partner’s genitals outer lips
- Pulling your partner’s genitals inner lips
- Sucking on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
- Licking on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
- Nibbling on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
- Caressing on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
- Using a vibrator / dildo and your mouth at the same time
- Using a vibrator / dildo and your hands at the same time
- Rubbing a dildo / vibrator along your partners inner thighs
- Placing a blindfold on your partner while you repeat all the above ideas
All of the above types of stimulation can also be used to stimulate her breasts, her finger tips, inner thighs...
If you are still having difficulty mastering the art of pleasuring your partner and you are feeling a little frisky, try asking her if you can observe her masturbate. Then ask her if you can observe her masturbate with sex toys. Sometimes watching a your girlfriends technique can give you some better pointers than just verbal explanations. Once you think you have gotten the hang of what she is doing, try joining in on her fun. Maybe add some tongue stimulation as she touches herself, or hold the vibrator as she stimulates her clitoris. Another way to learn about your partner’s body is to ask your partner to guide your hands with hers. Having her guide your hands may help her to better “explain” what types of touch feel.