Tantric Sex: what is it and what can it do for you?
Many people have heard of tantric sex and are intrigued by it, but really have no concept of how to put it into their sex lives. Well, the funny thing is that people are already doing some of the principles but don’t even know it. For example, have you ever had sex where it just felt well…off? The kind of sex where you were obviously working against each other so you changed your position or stopped momentarily and then all of a sudden with that change the stars seem to align and you have this mind-blowing sexual experience? Well, when that change aligns the stars you have just experienced one of the concepts in tantric sex: being in tune with your partner. So by now, you might be asking…. in tune with my partner? What does that mean? How can I do that? Well, I don’t want to put the cart before the horse, so I will wait to answer that.
First, we have to start with the basics: what is tantric sex? Well, one translation is “tools for expansion”. Another is “to manifest”. Tantra has been around for over 6000 years but we are just really starting to realize its benefits here in the West. Tantra was an answer to religion that at the time, made sex a bad thing that was only meant for procreation and nothing else. Tantra created a way to get in tune with not only yourself but with your partner as well. There’s that phrase again “getting in tune”. What does that mean? It basically boils down to getting on the same energy level as your partner. OK, so how do you do that??
The important thing to remember here is that most people regard sex like a movie, where we have the beginning of the movie, (getting aroused), the middle, (penetration), and the end (the orgasm). Well, with Tantric sex there is no end and there may be no middle. You may be thinking: Sex without penetration?? Without orgasm?? Why am I bothering? Stick with me here I guarantee once you have mastered this you will be glad you did. Tantric sex is about the journey and that’s it.
First, you have to prepare for this journey. Prep your room by burning sage to get rid of any negative energy in the space. Then put in some fresh flowers or a mutually pleasing scent. Now, this doesn’t mean spray Old Spice or your favorite perfume over everything because your partner said they liked it once. Using light scents is very important for relaxation and for the flow of energy. Find a way to relax first, whether it’s just sitting in a room with candles enjoying a glass of wine together, or listening to soft music. The important thing here is to start to get in tune with each other. Keep eye contact with your partner as much as possible. This may feel weird at first but it will get easier. You may even want to take a bath with each other, taking the time to slowly bath each other. Again, do this with as much eye contact as possible. It’s important to remember though that this is not about sex. It is about connecting to your partner, so purposely avoid the genitals for now.
Now it’s time to head to your room that you have prepped. Again, this isn’t about sex in the traditional way. Don’t look for or expect the beginning, the middle, and the end. Start with a massage (it doesn’t matter who gives and who receives. Again, it’s about the journey). Remember though that this isn’t a deep tissue massage. This is just about getting in tune with your partner. You can also do a lingam or a yoni massage (this site provides additional articles about these massages). It is important that the massage also does not have a traditional beginning, middle, and end. When your partner feels like it is time to end the massage, then you can move on. During all of these steps, I want you to have as much eye contact as possible and think about your breathing. Try to match each other’s breathing, then after a while alternate your breathing. When your partner exhales, inhale picturing their energy as a mist that is in your favorite color that you breathe into you.
Since we aren’t expecting a middle or end this could be the end of it for now but I want to share with you a great technique if you move on to the middle step. Once you have penetration, either have your partner sit facing you or have him or her on top. At this point, I want you to just sit inside each other. Do not break eye contact during this whole exercise and again link your breathing alternating with matching breathing for a while then doing the inhale-exhale technique from earlier. Do this without moving for a minimum of 10 minutes. Now, by don’t move I don’t mean your arms, etc. You can stroke his or her hair or face or kiss, just don’t move inside of each other. Guys, during this exercise there may be an end and it may come early. Remember this is going to be a whole new sensation for you and its OK! Partners, it is important that you make it ok also as again, THIS IS NOT ABOUT the end of the movie. Believe me, as time goes on this will increase your staying power so you will both benefit in the long run.
Well, that is just a taste of what tantric sex is and there are lots out there to learn so have fun with it. Just remember there are no expectations.